If you find yourself regressing into attitudes, values, beliefs or actions that are not useful to you, if you find that you are falling into roles that are not in your best interest… there is a good chance that you had a sight or a sound, maybe a touch that reminded you of situations in the past.
That association can be useful if at the time you were resourceful and everything worked out. If on the other hand the current situation is different, your mind may never notice if an anchor has fired and you are in the routine reactions from your prior life. Interrupt your patterns by physically moving differently, write your name with your eyes in space and then trace it backward, breathe differently. Those little interruptions may give you the chance to take in new resources or create current perceptions. Sure, sometimes we need to forgive or let go in order to decide to grow. Sometimes it really is just that your body and mind need to get a chance to notice what is different.
Perhaps when we think we are building back up we are repeating a cycle. Maybe a different type of confidence on a totally different track that we discover – looking around.
Technique is to assist others to change,
to get our point across, to become more flexible in order to learn and mature more effectively. It is not to “Get our way” in order to stay immature or win no matter what.
It’s kinda melancholy watching an adult consultant
(or any professional for that matter) who thinks they really know what they are doing and have it all figured out-when you are an older consultant. In the back of your mind you are thinking, yes, enjoy that while it lasts… and- well we can talk later.
Go ahead and handle yourself that way right now!
Think of your favorite teacher, your favorite mentor, your favorite parent, commanding officer, or perhaps friend or partner- now imagine that you just found out that they went to meet their maker today. If that were true, what do you wish you handled differently?
Go ahead and handle yourself that way right now! Would you be more flexible, learn faster, be more patient, eliminate petty feelings … who knows what would happen…?
Sometimes, we have a pattern of having a good thing happen, then we begin to suffer the loss of it when the good is still there.
As a child, holidays come to an end. Relationships come and go. Flowers get old after cutting. We see the transient nature of each experience.
Our nervous system begins to prepare for the loss in advance. This is an unfortunate pattern because it wastes much of the time we would feel good if we simply let go of seeing the end too soon.
Can we learn to enjoy ourselves without seeing the whole picture? In order to plan, the mind must anticipate. Be aware if you have been through trauma that you might be falsely anticipating trauma that isn’t actually inevitable at all.
You don’t make driving decisions using the side windows to drive forward on your journey.
You sure don’t just lo ok in the rear view mirror to go forward. Some people don’t see forward far enough when making decisions because they are reacting to right this minute or only now. It is the vision in the mind equivalent of making decisions about driving by staring at the hood of the car.
People who are stingy
get treated stingy by clients when they work for themselves. Cash flow is needed in life not cash trickle. Work and responsibilities first while in a good mood… the all else when you have your own business.
Outcomes are everything in reality.
And outcomes require much different thinking than just reporting what is going on or reporting the past. A person who would influence the future or success must be able to imagine future possibilities with as much realism as most people think about memories. It isn’t difficult when you do it. It is difficult when you don’t. This is not just fantasy as it takes into account possible vs. delusion. But wow are many people unable to do this idea.
Many people will create temporary experiences for you to grow.
They won’t consciously know why. You don’t have to hold on to anything that happened… you need to get the lesson that causes wisdom. Experiences are not permanent …nothing is actually… to get the lesson and move forward… change is your only constant. If you avoid this truth then denial and distortion grow as your only option!
A parent who needs to be needed is actually not a parent at all.
A parent who thinks of the child when they will be an adult and handles the lessons needed. That is a parent. The child needs the learning for adulthood. That means a great parent is willing to be temporarily unpopular. This seems obvious, but lately I see a lot of parents who seem like their child’s personal assistant and waiter.
We are not the peddlers of positive thinking. We are the peddlers of useful decisions and positive actions.
We are the peddlers of outcomes and steps to get them. We are the peddlers of leveling and self acceptance… BUT WE ARE NOT WOO WOO POSITIVE THINKING.
“Thought without action is simply irrational thought.“ – Yarnell
“The magic is in the actions you take.” – Tony Robbins
“It is not enough to know it is only enough to know and do.” – Deepak Chopra
“Just do it.” – Nike
There is a short phase in the beginning of any learning at which you are wondering whether or not you can do it at all.
If you change the question from “Can I do it” to ” How many repetitions or time is it going to take” that is one step. You can make another step, that is to decide ” I will do the repetition and time because I like completing what I start” then you will probably succeed at many disciplines.
There are very few people who you should ever need to explain yourself to
just know that most of the time as an adult, you are the authority in your own life. This is not advocating defiance or refusal of feedback – it is simply pointing out not to regress or cave just for approval.
When you are unhappy
because of stinking thinking, then you actually want to go backward instead of forward- and you meet people who agree with your thinking, you are actually meeting the wrong people.
This is a brilliant quote.
However, those who would understand it would have to be mature enough to admit how many times within a lifetime the mind tends to create rationalizations and illusions to keep believing what it wishes rather than what is.
“If history teaches anything, it teaches that self-delusion in the face of unpleasant facts is folly.”
So, do you find yourself angry whenever someone you are in a relationship
with enjoys an activity with other people. Do you find yourself irritated when wisdom comes from people outside a couple. The truth is that there can be a protective reason for the previous feelings, but there can also be a fear based response that makes the ego grow out of defensiveness. You always look strongest in a relationship when you are threatened by nothing whatsoever and open.
What if you just always choose something that’s different than the mistakes from the past, so there can be no negative cycle?
What if you always see at least three or more options for how to cope or how to shift? What if you never put anything in your body nutritiously that could hurt you later????
The irony is that you should stay loyal only to the leader who teaches you to be independent.
Then to independently participate in teams. You should let go of the dependency thinking that plagues so many people.
If you feel like you can’t do it again, then maybe you made too big a deal out of it the first time.
See it as easier, a little smaller… it will shock you how different it becomes.
There is no arriving. Just know that the journey is everything.
Learn to rest along the way. This whole thing doesn’t work like being on the track team. There is no finish line. Resting, healing, pacing yourself all have to happen the whole time on the path.
You cannot change the past.
You can learn from it to build how you want your decisions and thinking to go in the future. You cannot keep people from being hurt. But, you can manage their expectations by being clear early on when you communicate. You cannot make everything work out, but you can continually raise the percentage by shifting and learning.